365 Days With Bonnie: October 2018

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

10-30-18

I apologize for not writing in my blog
sooner. I have been back and forth to Boston for infusions this last past month and also have seen my lung specialist. My doctors feels that he needs to remove the cancerous tumor that is in my left lung as it has grown a little more. They will be removing the lower left lobe of my lung to do this. I will be going in for surgery the second week of November. There for 4 days and recovery period is 4 to 6 weeks.
I am having a hard time with all of this. I want this tumor to be removed but know I may have some medical issues after surgery as my adrenal gland is no longer working.

I often think of the five stages of grief!

1. DENIAL:

Maybe it isn't cancer... Could they have read my test results wrong???? So many people are afraid of that word cancer and so am I. I will just go for a second opinion. This can't be happening to me.

2. ANGER:

Yes I would admit that I was angry eight years ago when I was first diagnosed with my melanoma AND I
CONTINUE TO BE ANGRY. I have fought my melanoma for eight years and now it has moved to my lung. I have had three treatments. Interferon, keytruda and now continuing with a new clinical trial... I truly wish this terrible disease would go away from my body and leave me alone.

3. BARGAIN:

I promise to exercise, eat healthier foods and take better care of my body. Just give me one more chance.

4. DEPRESSION:

Oh, this is a good one! I have been depressed on and off these last eight years. My doctors have tried to put me on a few medications to help that but I could not tolerate them and I did not like the side effects that these antidepressant were giving me. I try to deal with my health issues on my own. So far so good. Remaining positive and thinking of how fortunate I am to still be here has helped. Another surgery to go. I just have to keep reminding myself that the surgeries are keeping my melanoma at bay.

5. Acceptance: It has been a hard thing to do. You get up in the morning and thank god for another day and go to bed each night and worry about being here another day. I will never accept my cancer and will keep fighting. I have to much to do in my life.. My granddaughter is graduating this year. from high school I WANT TO BE THERE....My son is getting married next year. I WANT TO BE THERE. My Mom's 95th birthday is next year ..I WANT TO BE THERE.
Any one out there that has been battling cancer feels the same way that I do. You keep pushing and fighting each day. We just have so much to live for.

I will remain strong and fight until I can't fight any longer. Pray for me on the 8th as I continue to remain strong.

My beautiful granddaughter!

My Mom at the age of 93.

My soon to be daughter in law! She is such a love and I am so happy knowing that she will be joining our family.

I am truly blessed to have my friends!

About Us

A Note From Bonnie:

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with melanoma in November of 2010. They found traces of melanoma in two of my lymph nodes. I had the melanoma removed and during a year of treatment with interferon I came up with a bucket list of things I wanted to do in my life. One of these things was to walk 50 miles for Lend A Hand. I made a promise to myself that I was going to do it. This foundation does so many great things for people who are dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I had big plans to do my walk this year but my melanoma returned to my left lung and my brain. I had brain surgery a week after my diagnosis in September of 2017. I am now in treatments for my right lung. Since my brain surgery I lost partial vision in my right eye. I can no longer drive a vehicle which is discouraging for me. I also need a friend to walk or run by my side.

This January, my friend Christa and I did the Runner's Alley Winter Warrior Challenge for the second year in a row. We walked in sleet, blizzards, freezing temperatures and did at least 3 miles everyday for 31 days. It gave me a purpose to keep going and to remain positive. It got me off the couch and into the fresh air. It gave me a reason to get up every morning.

So on January 31, our last day of the challenge my friend said "I will walk by your side for 365 days if you would like to walk for Lend A Hand". So here we are... and so it begins!

A Note From Christa:

I have known Bonnie for 41 years. Since I was 2 years old. Bonnie is my mom's very best friend. To me, Bonnie is a great inspiration of hope and strength. I am honored to be able to walk beside Bonnie for 365 walks (and many many laughs). It makes me happy that I can help her achieve her goal of walking for Lend A Hand. I get to be her second set of eyes and I am honored.